Lose Control

Despite of what you may know about me, one thing is for sure, I am very independent. Now, that may not sound like a bad thing, but when we are looking at the true matters of my heart, it is terrible. I love to be in control and not rely on others. In other terms, I love to be selfish and prideful.

You all have read my testimony, and know that I have faced many personal struggles. However, one struggle I have not confessed, is the struggle of letting God take control. I like to put on the persona that I have my life all together and don’t need any help. I take pride in myself and my own abilities. I think of my life, solely towards uplifting and satisfying my needs. I have taken on the burden of trying to fix my life completely on my own without any assistance from anyone. Yet, these past five months, have truly shown me that I cannot live that way; especially when I proclaim that God is my sole provider and portion forever. Friends, actions speak louder than words, and the fruit I have been producing is slim to none. I say that I depend on God, but in all honesty I do not.

I do not depend on God to –

• Handle my finances
• Keep me safe
• Handle my schooling
• Shape my future
• Find my soul-mate
• Keep my needs at the forefront 

The list could go on and on. Ultimately, I do not depend on God in any aspect of my life. I mean sure, when times get hard and I have no other option, but that is NOT the correct way to live! I declare time and time again that God is my father, my friend, my everything, yet I know in my deepest of hearts I do not believe that. My faith in the Lord is not evident at all.

In James 1: 5, the bible says,

If you need wisdom, ask our generous God, and he will give it to you. He will not rebuke you for asking.

It then continues to say,

⁶ But when you ask him, be sure that your faith is in God alone. Do not waver, for a person with divided loyalty is as unsettled as a wave of the sea that is blown and tossed by the wind. ⁷ Such people should not expect to receive anything from the Lord. ⁸ Their loyalty is divided between God and the world, and they are unstable in everything they do.

God is the greatest father there is, and father’s provide for their children without hesitation. Whatever we need, God will provide ALL of it. But, heed the word need. What we want is not ultimately what we need, nor what God desires for us. Therefore, we cannot only depend on God to provide for our needs, but for his will. We cannot be so in control of our lives that we keep the grace, that God freely provides, in a fenced-in area with our own selfish desires. God has a great purpose for us and we need to understand this.

Friends, I am calling us to lose control! Lose control of whatever hold you have on your life, and allow God to take ahold of it. This is my prayer:

Lord, you are a perfect, gracious and loving father. You love me, more than I could ever know. To you I am worthy and precious. I am valued and cherished. Lord, please take full control of my life. Take my burdens and sorrows and cast them upon you Lord. I cannot do it. I have tried many times and failed. I am tired of doing it on my own. Lord, please help me to solely depend on you, and grow in my faith, Oh God. Please take control of my finances, my school situations, my relationships, my heart, my mind and give me peace and joy that you are my sole provider. Lord, people will always let me down, but you will never let me down! Your love is everlasting and I am yours forever. Lord, please instill the truth deep in my heart that I am your daughter, and you are my father. You will provide for me, love me, and comfort me. You will only do what is best for me and your kingdom. Lord, thank you for your free gift of grace! Thank you for choosing me to be your daughter. I pray these things in your heavenly name, Amen.

Stay blessed,

Alicia Xo